Happy 2012 kids! For this day, I've changed (once again) this blog's URL. denskittles♥

Let's start the year right with a serious post. I've always wanted to post this, or rather, share this with someone. But I couldn't find the right person, or the right timing, or the right words to tell him or her to explain my situation.

One of the themes of my 2011 was religion.

Before that year started, I was 99.9% sure I was Roman Catholic. I was the religious one, considering I was someone who didn't study in a Catholic school. I'd willingly go to mass every Sunday, religious holidays, birthdays and sometimes even on first Fridays. I always say prayers before eating, before heading off to school, before taking exams and all other typical reasons. I'd even go to catechist groups and bible studies during my high school days. When I was younger, I tried reading the bible and daily gospel books even without anyone badgering me to do so. I liked what I read... and I felt like a better Christian.

But then, a few things happened.

Last summer, I took Socio 10. What seemed like a harmless Social Science and Philosophy GE subject became one of the so-called turning points of my life. I didn't exactly know when, but I felt that my beliefs were starting to crumble. This was the same time the RH bill started to become a hot topic in media. I was frustrated with how the church reacted and their baseless propaganda. This and some of their close-mindedness were hurting my brain so much. This meme perfectly depicts my reaction.
I hated how they use the normal Sunday mass (in our barangay, anyways... i don't know if this applied to all churches) as a way of brainwashing people into thinking that this is the devil's work. Don't get me wrong, I understand both sides on why this bill should and should not be passed... but the way they presented it is so biased and baseless that I totally lost all faith and interest in that parish.

Even after Socio 10 classes ended... even with the last words of my prof (who turned out to be a devout Catholic after all but acted as a diehard atheist throughout the semester): "Even if you are a mathematician and a skeptic, never forget to be a believer..." I never returned to the same path again. I've become cynical when it came to these issues. But I didn't know what to call myself... I still believe in God, but not the church. But being something like that isn't well accepted in this society. It's either you belong to one side of the spectrum or the other and I don't know where to exactly place myself.

So... I don't know. I'm still in the same place. I consider myself as neither a Catholic nor an atheist.

Before 2011, all my close friends were Catholics. But last year, I've met and became friends with those from different beliefs. It was an eye opener. I had a lot of misconceptions with their faith which are now cleared and I've learned to further respect and understand what they practice and believe in.

And now, all that's left is with mine. I'm left hanging on what I believe in but I think it's better to leave it like that right now. Who knows, a divine intervention is just what I need to clear this mess.

Happy 2012~ cheers.

Labels: cogitations