I feel numb yet I feel like shit deep inside. I wanna get drunk right now but I really think that it's very, very stupid to get drunk all alone. Not to mention that you'd look stupid right afterwards. Did I mention that the idea's stupid. Yeah. I also hate how I have to withhold my feelings since I have to act professional since I'm the boss. Gah. This is what you get for doing something sooooooooooooooo stupid. You are supposedly the more mature one. Bullcrap. And I don't know who else to blame but myself. I can't blame you because you were so awesome back then. I don't even know why you did that. But shit. This makes me hate myself more for bringing myself to do this. Argh. And I can't bring myself to hate her. Because she is super duper awesome-r. Even more awesome than you. And she's loveable, among other things. No wonder you like her so much. I like her too, but not in that way, of course. And I hate how I resort to using this blog to vent my anger because once I rant in my normal social networking sites, you would see them and you would tell yourself how lame and pathetic I really am.